The fear of rejection is huge.
In fact, it is a central fear that every young child feels immediately: Being rejected by one’s family means death, quite simply, because a small child cannot survive without the care and love of its mother and family. Children do anything and everything to remain a member of their family.
And that’s why this fear can hit us so hard even as adults. Deep inside, we remember this underlying, unspoken threat of death by rejection.
Sadly, I have seen talented writers give up their passion because the fear of rejection was greater than their love of words and stories. I wish I could have helped them, but for various reasons I couldn’t.
Now I’m using this opportunity to help you.
All writers need to know this: A rejection of your text is not a rejection of you.
This is a mistake we make deep in our heart: We feel judged in person by someone expressing their personal opinion about something we wrote. That mistake is very easy to make, since we pour our heartblood into our creations. They feel like extension of our souls – and someone judging that must be judging our soul and self. Right?
This other person, may it be an editor or a reader, simply sees a text. And that text may or may not speak to him or her. It may even trigger them in ways that make them hurt. So they fling the text away and judge it with harsh words.
They are not judging you as writer. They are reacting to pictures, expectations and feelings inside them. They are simply saying that the text does not fit them.
Of course, you should always give your best when polishing your work. And if the same criticism comes up all the time, you should take a close look at the text you wrote. But this pertains to a practical level, this is about workmanship.
The things people say about your text, your art, your heart’s passion – they usually are not about you at all. You need to know that deep in your heart.
And then you are free of the Fear of Rejection as writer and artist.
Let’s do some tapping to help you get there:
Even though I’m so afraid of being rejected, it’s cutting deep into my heart, I’m okay the way I am and I now allow myself to know that there is a deep and natural reason to feel that way.
Even though this fear of rejection always comes up when I show my work or submit a text or publish a blog article, I’m okay the way I am and I now allow myself to know that applying the fear of rejection to my text is simply an overgeneralization of an old fear.
Even though harsh words cut me to the quick when they are about my texts and my heart’s passion, I’m okay the way I am and I now allow myself to relax and see that it’s not really about me, but all about those who are judging.
As writer and artist, you can only give your best and strive to get even better with every bit of work you do. And that is good enough. Allow yourself to own your work and to be proud of it. Allow yourself to see that other people’s opinions are just that: their opinions.
Let me know if this helped you, in the comments.
Image source: F. Moebius
PS: If you feel very strongly about this and want additional help, drop me an email and we’ll discuss how I can support you best.