We’re all human. And as humans, we create and learn certain behaviours, habits and ways of thinking while we are young, and we keep doing these things as adults.
However, some of those ways of thinking are prone to make us unhappy and angry. Those negative emotions can drastically reduce creativity and productivity.
Here are three things you need to stop doing in order to become happier, more self-confident, and in the end, more successful.
Comparing, being jealous and judging.
Comparison comes naturally to us. I’m sure it started in kindergarten for most of u, or 1st grade at the latest. Maybe you just wanted to do the same things are your older sister. That’s where we learn to look at who is better than we, and who is not as good as we are.
And of course, there were grades.
Grades send a very clear message of where we stand in comparison with the other children. They also influence how we think of ourselves. Great? Good? Middling? Or not good enough?
You will always be able to find someone who is worse off than you, and for some, that’s a consolation.
But you’ll also always find someone who is doing better than you are – and that can be devastating.
2. Being jealous
Feeling that quick twinge of envy is not necessarily a bad thing. It is a sign you noticed something you want for yourself, and that is always good to know.
Maybe now you know that you want to win a certain award, and that makes you work even harder on your writing. Which is a good thing.
But if jealousy is making you sick inside, and you start feeling angry and that life is unfair – then you’re starting down a rather negative path. It leads you directly into a lack mentality which hampers creativity massively.
Out of comparison and jealousy comes judging.
It’s very easy. If someone is better than you are – let’s say in book sales – and that makes you feel bad, well, it’s easy to find a reason why that person doesn’t deserve those sales, and is not, in fact, any better than you are.
Maybe it’s the genre, and you’ll never stoop to write erotica.
Maybe her fans are all morons, and it’s unbelievable why they would read such shallow stuff.
Maybe he’s been born rich and had it easy all his life, and got his sensational contract because of old connections in New York.
Judging does only one thing: It shifts the imaginary grades in your head, putting you in a better position. Because that other person is now a bad person and thus less worthy than you are – in your mind.
And that’s a terribly thing to do to your self-confidence.
It also never helps.
All these three habits of thought – comparison, jealousy and judging – do only one thing for you: They make you feel angry and righteous, rather than feeling sad and disappointed.
Anger is a safer feeling than sadness. Feeling righteous is more pleasant than feeling disappointed.
But those feelings and thought habits block insight. If you’re feeling righteous, you’re not very willing to learn. You’re finding external excuses for where you are as a writer, rather than improving your craft. You blame the universe for your lack of success.
While you are sending out vibrations of lack, sadness and disappointment, covered with a nice helping of anger.
And the thing with that universe is that you get what you send out.
Which means you’ll get more lack, sadness and disappointment. And anger.
In the next few weeks, I’ll dig deeper into each of those mindsets to help you replace them with much better and supportive thought patterns.
Here are some tapping phrases to start shifting those thought habits:
Even though I learned to compare myself to know where I’m standing, and looking at my sales rank makes me want to pull out my hair and kill a few of those bestselling authors, I’m okay the way I am, and I now choose to learn from those writers.
Even though I’m so jealous of those million dollar contracts, I could turn green with envy, I’m okay the way I am, and I’ll now focus on getting more books out.
Even though I would love to think that all those bestselling authors are just gaming the system and hoodwinking their readers, they just can’t be that good, dang it!, I’m still okay the way I am, and I now choose to stop making excuses and really work on my own writing.
How often do you check your sales rank?
How would a million dollars make you feel happy?
What’s your next book about?
Image Source: F. Moebius
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PPS: I can help you deal with the doubts and fears you might have about writing. And we can create new habits both for your thinking and writing. EFT is the fastest way I know to shift limiting beliefs, old thought habits and other kinds of blocks. Click HERE and send me an email. Together, we’ll figure out how I can support you best.