This post (and the series it belongs to) is about family systems and how they affect you as a writer.
The way I see it, knowing about family systems and their dynamics will help you be more successful by explaining and eliminating potential blocks and limits for your writing.
And on another level, employing your knowledge of family systems in character creation will make your stories more interesting and more believable.
Sound good? Here we go.
Family systems are everywhere.
We cannot escape being part of a family system, since we do have at least two biological parents, and usually grow up in a family. It doesn’t matter how small a family is, it forms a system.
That system also includes ancestors, that is, grandparents, uncles, aunts etc. So even if you say you don’t “have” a family, maybe because you’re living alone, it is more than likely that you are part of a family system.
In other words, everyone is part of a family system.
What does it matter? I hear you ask.
Unfortunately, family systems matter a lot.
Family System Laws
There are three major laws that govern family system – they are about belonging, order and balance. None of these laws can be violated without consequences. I will explain each of those in the next few weeks.
In addition, each family system has a ton of rules. Those rules cover everything anyone might ever do. We learn those while we grow up, and we follow them. Inevitably.
Family rules can be changed and shifted. I do that all the time in my work. The trick, however, is to discover them in the first place. I will devote a few posts to those rules, as well, but you may already understand those from earlier blog posts.
Ancestors, oaths and other influences
It’s difficult to explain how family systems work. I like to imagine that a family system is basically a network of energy that exists between all members of a family – including the ones that are no longer alive.
Other say family systems are like mobiles, where shifting one part forces all other parts to move, as well – and restore their balance.
Either way, I have seen how the energy of some family members influenced other family members, regardless of physical distance or even existence. And I’ve seen this stretch over several generations.
In addition, oaths, vows and other promises can have an influence through the family system – either oaths you swore yourself, or those taken by ancestors. Again, I’ve seen this happen. And I’ll talk about those in the last part of the blog series.
The most important fact
I want to explain something that might shock you: Family systems do not “care” about their individual members. They are not beneficial, at least not on purpose. They do not support success or happiness of individual members.
Family systems serve one single purpose: To protect the family system.
And I’ve seen some heartbreaking situations caused by family systems working hard to protect themselves. Fortunately, there are almost always better solutions.
Now, the whole idea that you might be part of a family system willy nilly, a system that can have an uncanny influence over you and your life – that might be scary. And I’d like to suggest a few tapping phrases to help you get over that fear and start to be curious.
Because the moment you understand family systems, you can turn their laws, rules and hidden energy into something that works for you. And I can help you with that, as well.
Even though I never heard of family systems before, and they sound ugly and creepy, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to learn about them and make their influence on me more benign.
Even though it is a scary thought that I might be entangled in a family system just by birth, and it influences me and my decisions, I’m still totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to learn how it works and make it work for me.
Even though family systems sound really scary and creepy, considering how they might influence me and my life, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to learn how they work and clear all negative influences from them.
Have you ever heard of family systems before?
How do you feel about your family system?
What happened while you were tapping?
And finally – what are you creating right now?
Please share in a comment.
Image Source: F. Moebius
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