Family System Dynamics – The Burden

The Burden

The Burden

This is another concept practically unknown outside of family systems work: The Burden.

Here’s how it works:

When we are born into a family, we quickly become aware of all the emotions around us. All the energy swirling and engulfing us. It is our family, after all.

And being loving and caring children, we choose to help other family members, out of pure, innocent love.

So if one of our family members carries a negative energy – whatever it is – we take on parts of it. Sometimes a little part, sometimes a big part. We take on this burden in order to make their lives easier.

This can be anything. It can even be something handed down this way through generations.

Anger. Shame. Guilt. Grief. Loneliness…

We carry this Burden

The problem is, we take on these emotions and energies out of innocent love. But we carry this burden and can’t really dissolve it because those are not truly our own emotions, or problems, or experiences.

Of course, this interferes with our lives.

We can’t really, truly be ourselves and follow our passions when steeped in the dark energy of someone else.

But most of us don’t even know.

Recognizing the Burden

Now, I’ve been trained in this. I can see the patterns easily in my clients. But even you can recognize a Burden.

First of all, you can ask yourself if that feeling that’s making your life hard is truly yours.

It sounds like a silly question, but it isn’t. Ask yourself and be aware of the answers that come up.

Try to localize that feeling in your body. Does it feel like it belongs? Or does it feel foreign?

It won’t feel strange because you’ve been carrying it for so long, that’s the trick with this. But it will feel like it may not belong to you.

Releasing the Burden

Of course, now that you may have become aware of such a burden in your life, you probably want to let it go. Do remember that you picked it up as a kid out of deep love. This is nothing to be ashamed of.


Actually releasing it is fairly easy (and of course, you can always get help from me). You can visualize the energy flowing out of your body into a vessel of some kind – the style is totally up to you. My clients often use baskets or large bowls.

Once you feel that all of this burden energy has collected in the vessel, you order it to go back where it belongs. And you can visualize it flying off – possibly in several pieces – to go home.

Not wanting to give the Burden back

But why should I give it back if I took it on out of love?

This is part of the misunderstanding, and very common. This is exactly the love speaking that took on the Burden. Behind it is the feeling that the Burden is too hard to carry for the person who owns it.

Thing is, that person needs that energy back.

Without that energy they cannot heal what caused their dark emotions. They are the only ones who can heal that injury, that wound. So they need it back.

Again, please don’t blame yourself. This happened when you were a kid and didn’t understand these things. You’re just now learning it may have happened.

#more hugs#

Take some time to get clear on this. It’s a tricky concept – but releasing the Burden can really change your life, your writing and your author career.

It is worth the effort. Totally.

And I can help, if you prefer to be guided through this.

Tapping Suggestions

No blog post of mine would be complete without tapping suggestions, of course. And this is a very tappable part of family system dynamics.

Even though this is the first time I ever heard of this concept, it resonates … and that’s scary!… I’m still totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to explore this concept.

Even though it feels horrible to have carried this stuff all my life, and I blame myself for picking it up, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I choose to remind myself that this was and is an act of love.

Even though it feels terrible to carry this burden, and also terrible to hand it back, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to send that energy back where it belongs, with the same kind of love that made me pick it up.

Asking you:
Does the concept of the Burden resonate with you?
How does it feel considering to send it back?
What happened while you were tapping?
And finally – what are you creating right now?
Please share in a comment.

Image Source: F. Moebius

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About fmoebius

I'm a writer and coach. I love helping writers be more creative, more productive and more profitable. With EFT, life gets easier. Blocks can fall away. Limiting beliefs just shift. You can build your dream life. Let me help you do this.
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