Family system dynamics play a very important role for our success, as well. That’s because each individual family system has rules of its own.
Rules that define who may be a member of the family, and who may not. How successful members have to behave. How that success can happen, and what is not allowed.
And it is quite possible that simply having the goal of being a successful author, of earning a living with writing clashes with some rules of the family system. Or at least with the way you perceive the rules.
Are there successful authors in your family?
If not, it’s quite possible you will be looked at in a strange way if that’s your goal. “We’ve never had one like that in our family.” You might hear people grumble about this. Or say: “Look, Uncle Bill does so well being a plumber. Why don’t you learn from him and take over his business when he retires?”
If you do, on the other hand, it is possible that this author is considered a black sheep. “You don’t want to be like Aunt Mathilda. She’s so arrogant, and she never visits anymore.” Which is not a surprise since she isn’t treated well by the family – giving you a hint of what’s in store for you.
Family systems are uncaring. They do not support individual family members. Their only function is to hold a family together. New things and outliers are a threat to them – so they discourage that kind of behavior, or sanction it.
And the worst, most terrible threat is to rescind family membership.
We rarely realize that this is energetically impossible, because the threat is enough: For a baby, losing its family means death.
And faced with that threat, subconsciously, we avoid being a successful author.
It’s hard to see because our mind is so subtle when it protects us.
But if you notice small patterns of un-successfulness, this is a possible reason.
These patterns could be feeling writers’ block, especially close to finishing a story. Being unable to edit. Doing no marketing at all. Clinging to a belief that you must find an agent and a publisher, and rarely sending out query letters. Not submitting stories. Not making your book the best it can be before self-publishing. Creating a terrible cover. There are endless ways to sabotage our success as author.
Do any of those sound familiar? And is there an underlying, vague sense of fear when you visualize being a successful author?
Yep, you might be caught in a family rules conflict.
The best news is that these family system dynamics can be shifted. And because it’s a system, your shift will resonate through the entire system. I’ve seen it work in amazing ways.
Of course, I use EFT for creating those shifts. Here are some tapping phrases to help you with that kind of shift:
Even though my family system has never seen a successful author and my mind is subtly sabotaging this goal of mine, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to know that I can be a successful author and a full member of my family system anyway.
Even though I have all these little patterns of self-sabotage and never thought about the family system as the reason behind them, I’m a good author, and I now choose to shift my family system to let me be successful with my writing.
Even though my family doesn’t support my writing because they are so unsure about it, and my mind reacts to that with sabotaging me, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to shift my family system to make space for my writing success.
How do you feel about your writing?
Can you see those tiny patterns of self-sabotage?
What happened while you were tapping?
And finally – what are you creating right now?
Would love to hear from you!
Image Source: F. Moebius
PS: You’ll find my personal experiences with these beliefs in the comment section. Because I am tapping with these very sentences, I’m inviting you to join me on this journey, and share your experiences.
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Very interesting a correlation between our success and pre existing family rules. Thanks for enlightening us.