For writers, rejection can take many shapes.
The classic shape, of course, is a rejection letter from an agent, a publisher or a magazine. For decades, those letters determined the life and success of a writer. (I have a few myself.)
Nowadays, rejection can take the shape of a bad review on Amazon, Goodreads or elsewhere. It can be the silence from people who received an ARC. It can be a devastating lack in sales.
No matter which shape it takes, we writers feel rejection personally.
The disappointment, the shame, the failure.
And we feel it deep in our heart, because we pour our hearts into our stories.
And yet, right here, lies the solution: Do not take any rejection personal.
That’s hard to do, because our stories feel like a part of ourselves. They are our babies, after all, created from our minds and our words. They are the expression of our creative minds. Of course they are dear to our heart.
But to the editor saying no, or to the reader who left a bad review, they are none of those things.
The editor is just busy and looking to do his or her job. Maybe the magazine is already full. Maybe they already have enough stories about dragons for the entire year. Maybe your story can’t be easily categorized and he’s not up to racking his brain today. Maybe … you get the idea. It’s very likely not about your story at all.
And that reviewer?
Well, I can say with some certainty that the review was all about him or her. Her feelings about the story. Her expectations, her mood, and her experience as reader. Your story triggered something completely outside of your control that made her feel bad. And she blamed your story for it.
It bears repetition: It’s not about you at all.
It’s not about your quality as writer (even though we should always try to write better). It’s not about the power of the story.
At no time should you lash out at the one causing the pain. That’s simply doing what they did – and you’d just be spreading the pain and make everything worse.
Instead, let go of the pain. Find some love in your heart, do something that makes you feel happy. Let go of that pain.
You could even create a specific habit for receiving a rejection – one that balances you and brings you right back into a good mood. Or you could tap. *winks*
Here are some tapping phases to make it easier for you. (And if you don’t know about EFT tapping, check out this video on my coaching site: What is this tapping?):
Even though I’ve been so hurt by this rejection or that review, I’m a good writer, and I now choose to become an even better one.
Even though I really feel the pain of that rejection or that review, I’m okay the way I am, and I now choose to know that it only shows their pain.
Even though I feel that pain in my heart, because the rejection or the review are saying something bad about my baby, I’m okay the way I am, and I now allow myself to let go of the pain, because in reality, my story didn’t get hurt at all, and there are plenty of people who love it.
What’s your most memorable rejection? Share in a comment.
Image source: F. Moebius
Would you like more help? Would you like to learn how to easily deal with rejections once and for all? Click HERE and send that email to me. Then we’ll talk about how I can support you best.