After I had been writing for a few years, and started training to become a counselor, I noticed something strange: In most of my stories, the mothers were dead or had disappeared. My heroes were orphans, as a rule.
Granted, in one case that was part of the story challenge, but it happened to often to be coincidence.
For some reason, I was reluctant to write mothers.
And then, as part of counselor training, I was required to look at my own family and realized that my relationship with my mother wasn’t as simple and straightforward as I thought. In fact, it was rather troubled.
Troubled enough to keep mothers out of my stories.
And that is a classic pattern – we reproduce our family systems in writing, quite subconsciously. Because especially with the lesser characters, we do write what we know. We write what feels familiar and “right”.
And out of this insight can come wonderful healing.
Over the course of some years, I worked on my relationship with my mother, and I believe it has improved much. At least it reached the point where I can have mothers in my stories that are present and loving. Mostly, that is. (There will be a scheming, power-hungry one in a forthcoming book.)
That relationship with my mom is healed.
Now, I’m not telling you to scrutinize your stories for such kind of patterns. However, if you do notice a trend in characters, plots or supporting cast – take a closer look. It could reveal a part of you that wants to be healed.
And let me reassure you, it usually can be healed. I’m seeing that in my clients.
Here are some tapping suggestions, because recognizing that kind of pattern can be uncomfortable:
Even though I have found a pattern in my writing, and the realization fills me with shame, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now allow myself to change the pattern in my family and live a more peaceful life.
Even though I’m seeing what I’m doing in my stories, and it feels horrible to know that comes from my own family, I’m okay the way I am, and I now choose to heal that pattern and be free of that pain.
Even though I found that pattern, and I feel it drives my writing – why would I want to change it? – I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now remind myself that it’s my choice to act on that pattern or not.
Have you found a pattern in your stories? Rest assured, I won’t pluck your family apart.
But if you want to talk about it in private and gain more insight, click HERE and send me an email.
Image source: F. Moebius